


24 Things part 12

by shniam



Series: 24 Things [12]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Contraception, Liam is very confused in this, Louis is the font of all contraceptive knowledge, M/M, Oblivious Liam, brief mention of anal sex, mention of IED's but only because Liam is confused and thinks they are something else, this is a silly fic please dont think of it as something else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/pseuds/shniam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 12 of 24 Things.  </p>
<p>Liam has had a conversation with Paul about contraception and is very confused about IUD's.  Louis imparts his wisdom but Liam is still a little confused.</p>
<p>(this is a rubbish summary - sorry!)</p>
<p>(please read notes at start - thank you)</p>
            </blockquote>





	24 Things part 12

**Author's Note:**

> Number 12! I have finished number 22 already so nearly finished the series!
> 
> Another one that kind of follows on from the previous but can still be read on its own.
> 
> I was a little worried about posting this as I dont want to offend anyone with the IED reference but its only there because Liam is confused and I feel it fitted the story. If I have upset or offended you I am very sorry, please dont hate me :-)

12\. But you’ll be so terrified by all other types of long-term contraception you’ll stick with it anyway. You want to put WHAT up there for HOW many years?!

“Did you know that women can have a IED up their fanny for up to ten years?!” Liam explained as he burst into the rec area of the bus.

All conversation stopped and the five heads turned to face the flustered Liam.

“Women can have a bomb in them for ten years? You sure?” Niall asked slowly, trying to process and translate from Liam-ese as he asked.

Liam nodded enthusiastically as he sat close to Zayn. “Yes, Paddy was just explaining it to me. I asked what him and Paul were talking about earlier and he said pregnancy prevention and then went on to tell me all the methods used. It was very interesting.”

“Right.” Niall dragged the word out before having a ‘light-bulb’ moment. “You mean ‘women can have an IUD in their womb for up to ten years’.”

Liam frowned, “Yeah, that’s what I said. Wasn’t it?”

Zayn put his arm around Liam’s shoulders and patted his back. “No, you said IED. That’s a type of bomb.”

“Oh! No, that wouldn’t be very good.” Liam said as he shook his head, “Be a bit painful too I imagine. What’s a IUD then?”

Louis’ authoritative tone rang out. “It’s a ‘T’ shaped bit of plastic and copper, attached to a lump of string type stuff, often called ‘The Coil’. Stops women getting pregnant.” 

“And you know this how?” Enquired Zayn.

Louis projected his best ‘duh’ look. “Me mums a midwife, idiot! Always had loads of leaflets and shit around the house on contraception and that. Right embarrassing when me mates came round! Imagine your mum giving a lecture to your friends on pregnancy prevention when you’re heading out to a 16th birthday party!”

The rest burst out in sniggers. “Bet she put a pack of condoms in their cards too didn’t she?!” Niall laughed. At the silence he collapsed on the sofa, “Oh shit, she did, didn’t she?! Oh my god!”

“Yeah, you laugh Horan. Get it out of your system.” Louis’ drawled, the look on his face threatened revenge at a later date.

“So what other methods does your mum recommend? Paddy said something about wearing caps but I already do that.”

Louis snapped his head round, ready with a cutting remark about taking the piss when he realised that Liam was genuinely serious. “The Cap is like this silicone cup that women shove up them to stop your sperm making baby Liam’s. Not your snapback. Are you saying you wear your hats during sex? Surely that’s like keeping your socks on?”

Liam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “No. That would be silly. Anyway, what other methods are there? You didn’t say.”

Louis shrugged, “’s allsorts innit? Paddy probably already told you. Condoms, The Pill, implants, injections, The Coil, some people use spermicide. Not everyones gonna use the same.”

“Suppose not.” Liam sighed thoughtfully. “Not sure that I would want lump of metal shoved up my dick though.”

“What about a prick in your bum?” Louis asked, the corner of his mouth slightly raised.

Liam frowned, “Thought this conversation was about preventing pregnancy?”

Zayn huffed in lieu of laughter and pulled Liam’s head to his shoulder, ruffling the short hair. “Only you babe, only you!” He muttered fondly.


End file.
